Once upon all the time, something challenging happens, followed by something amazing...




Monday, February 11, 2013

All Right


I am approaching 30.  Funny how just typing that brings up certain ideas about what that means.  The thing is, for most of my growing up life, I have measured things in finite terms.  I should be doing this by a certain age, I should be doing that a year after college, or I should have acquired ______ by this time.   When I was younger I would have bet money that by the time I was 30 I'd be married with kids, living in a magical house by the ocean with my flying car hovering in the driveway.   That is not the case.  However, I could have also never dreamt up most of the amazing things that have happened through the highs and lows of my life.

As I was sitting here alone in my comfy little bungalow in Hollywood tonight, thinking about too many things… As I often do… I had one of those 'Aha…hahaha' moments.  I realized the best things in my life have come from plans I never made, thoughts I'd never imagined, people I'd never hoped to meet, places I didn't want to go, times when I lost control and accidents along the way.  The funny part is, it was all the plans I've made, people I've sought out, dreams I've chased, expensive ideas and perfectly thought up scenarios I felt had failed, that got me there.  AND it was always the way I felt in the end that made the best things so absolutely unforgettable.

You see, it's good to have goals, dreams, plans, ideas… as long as you are okay with the fact that they just might lead you to something that may not be what you have pictured in that very stubborn little mind of yours. 

1+1 may = friends
x & y may lead to the beginning
Doe ray me may bring you back to you…
The one you want may be taken, and you're left with the one you never knew you wanted
You may feel totally lazy, but only to remind you how much you've been doing
It could be hard, but only to make things easier
It might make you cry, but only because it makes you smile
It may be late, but only because it's waiting on you
It may bring you down, but only so you can go back up
You may feel weak, but only so you can be strong
It may seem that all the wrong things keep coming at the right time or that you keep getting all the right things at the very wrong time…

BUT you can only be doing, getting, being, knowing, wanting, learning, or attracting ALL the right things at the right time to show you what's wrong or what's right.  ALWAYS.  And how do you know? By the way you feel.  Does it feel good or bad?  That's how you can figure out why that experience is happening and act accordingly... Which may then change the way you feel and thus change your mind.  That's okay too.  The feelings will stick with you as long as you need them to in order to understand what they're showing you, that's how they roll.

I am almost 30.  I had a plan, I had visions, I had goals, I had expectations of how things would look in my life by this age.  I had strict rules for how much I should have accomplished in each area of life.  I had boundaries on what I would and wouldn't still do at this age.  I had deadlines.  I had judgments and excuses all ready to go if those deadlines weren't met.  I decided it's time to free myself of those.

I now have experiences that have given me strength, friends that bring me joy, scars that grant me compassion, failures that have brought me hope, awareness that creates gratitude, and am working on the faith to allow things to happen right on time, just when I least expect them.  And that makes everything feel all right... at least right now.


Today's Silver Lining
"Take the road we take, Then we improvise, When the road it breaks, There will be surprises, Live to grow with fate, Wake to see your Time, Catch your heart with mine, You and I decide, Where to take our journey, how high to fly, love to love our turning, You and I, you and I." Garden- by Sean Hayes

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Fantasies of Fear


"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."  I was always told that as a child. My, oh my how it’s meaning has changed.  Although, so has the meaning of a wish.  As a child I thought wishes were all those magical things you wanted when you blew on a dandelion puff.  Now I realize we make all kinds of wishes we don't even realize.  I wish I didn't have to work today... fired!  Just kidding... kind of!  The thing is, we often neglect taking the time to be grateful for all the things that make us smile everyday and spend more time figuring out what to change, what sucks, and the worst... what could happen that would suck.

The funny thing is, at this moment in time life is good. I am financially stable, I feel good in my skin, I have amazing people in my life & an apartment that is slowly coming together... with the exception of my ghetto couch!  I am happy.  I like waking up in the morning.  I like staying up and just being with myself.  Things are all happening as I had been wanting for so long...  The funny thing is now I am afraid of this goodness.  Afraid, because I know how temporary it can be.  I'm afraid that any moment now, I won’t feel this way.  Afraid that for all of this goodness, I will also experience the crashing down of it… and the higher I soar, the further I’ll fall.  I start creating all of these horrible and frightening 'what if's' that end up being what I focus my energy on, and accidentally manifesting into my life.  Tonight, I became aware of this thinking pattern I have developed.  This fantasy of fear, if you will…. And I decided that with my newfound sense of reality, it is time to let go of my fantasy world. 

You see fantasy, for most of us, isn’t what we envision when the word pops up.  It’s not rainbows and unicorns with laser horns… (okay it’s that too.)  Many of the fantasies we create and actually believe in, ARE NOT THAT MUCH FUN OR AMAZEBALLS!  They are the fantasies we create from a place of fear. The fantasy that we are not good enough, that we are not enough in general.  That we are not lovable, let alone loved.  The fantasy that we are too old, too fat, or too broke to do what we want.  We create these elaborate fantasies around all of these fears, and we don’t look at the reality of our amazing lives!  Why do we do that?  I have no clue.  I should Google it, I’m sure someone has figured out some sort of smart explanation… but frankly I don’t really care at the moment.  What I do care about is that I’ve totally been doing that.  I've created many elaborate and frightening fantasies that have began to play a part in the choices I make. Ooops.  

So, now that I’m aware of it, I plan to monitor my fantasy world and spend less time letting fear be my factor and instead stay grounded in a place of love.  A place where my heart is my guide, not what other people are doing, or think I should be doing.  A place where I feel empowered and magical.  A place where everyone wins.  Love is the safest place to be ya see.  If you get to love, you are totally safe.  No one can touch you there. No way, no how… because love and fear don’t coexist.  That’s like having a hot ice cube… if an ice cube gets hot… laters ice, hello water.  Fear cubes are melted by love and what are you left with? Truth, peace and reality… really lovely reality… The kind you thought was only possible in your wildest fantasies.

Heat melts ice
Paper beats rock
Love conquers fear.

Today's Silver Lining

"Oh I will become what I deserve.  I been worryin', I been worryin', I will become what I deserve.  I been worryin' that my time is a little unclear.  I been worryin' that I'm losing the one's I hold dear.  I been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear." The Fear- by Ben Howard